Log in

No account? Create an account


dean spiderfucker winchester

Last night I had a dream I had a baby, but in a five-hour span (that happened to coincide with a wedding?) she went from being newborn to being thirteen. When I realized what was happening I got really sad, because I was like, IS THIS SOME FREAK GENETIC THING. IS BABY GOING TO DIE A FEW DAYS FROM NOW AT AGE 100? :(

But even in dream world, dream!me still had a definable moment in the dream where I was like, "Man, this isn't at all how 7x13 went down."

Birthday Rewatch: 1x14 "Nightmare"
free fall
I love this episode. <3 I know I say that about like every episode, but I especially love this one. I've never, in a decade of this show, been quite able to buy wholeheartedly into the psychic children thing, because it's the first thing Show introduced that dramatically shifted the terms of its universe. Like, I legit to this day have trouble making the leap from 'this is a world where ghosts exist' to 'we are seriously going to follow a series of psychic visions around the country that are in some way related to a demon that puts women on ceilings.' Whereas once the terms of the universe are such that they can accommodate multiple Apocalypses it's like, you can get to Heaven by accosting a drunk angel near a sandbox? All right, I'm picking up what you're putting down. Go on, go on. But anyway.

This is a bratfarrar Rembrandt shot:

This episode also starred this bizarre contraption, a piece of technology as arcane and little-seen as Sam's camcorder:

IT HAS SUCH A LARGE, HIGH-QUALITY SCREEN! Let's recall here that we're still in the flip phone era at best, and the TV in their motel room had CRTs. Whatever it is, Dean used it to discern there was no demonic activity in the house, so I'm guessing it was acquired after the great airplane demon fiasco, so apparently at the time it was worth the investment/worth stealing/worth stealing parts for. Dean said it was an infra-red something something, so I'm kind of curious as to what that has to do with being able to determine the presence of demons. Do demons have a different temperature than humans? Do they leave temperature residues? Or was Dean just talking about ghosts and demons in the same breath and the ghosts required the infra-red scanner (better accuracy than EMF?) and for demons it was just like, welp, no piles of sulfur here.

Also, this episode took place in Saginaw, Michigan, and the set design was perfect. See this window??? THESE ARE THE EXACT WINDOWS IN EVERY HOUSE I'VE EVER LIVED IN IN MICHIGAN. They're not Michigan-only windows, obviously, but I 100% believe these rickety 100-year old windows could behead a man.

It's funny, because Dean asks the stepmother if she's ever had any trouble with the house--cold spots, flickering lights, weird noises, and the like. This lady has the gall to say oh no, everything's been perfect, but let me tell you that every single one of the houses I've lived in Michigan has had all of these things. The ghost that lived in my house previous to this one exploded batteries and shorted circuits before it moved on to shattering glass. :/

Unrelated but sort of related, when we were showing the house for our crappy landlord, part of the tour was going down to the basement to see the weird gigantic painted portraits of clowns mounted in the backrooms of the basement. One of the people who came to see the house expressed their disappointment that there were no locks on the interior doors of the rooms down there.


Anyway, back to the episode. I thought it was so lovely that it was clearly very cold in the episode, in spring in Michigan, because they needed the exhaust to be visible for visual effect when the dad gets killed in his car. But it's not too cold, because instead of wearing a jacket Dean is wearing, no joke, like four shirts. Four. I'd make fun of him for this, but I know exactly what temperature four-shirt weather is, vs. jacket weather. XD

BUT they also must have had the heat blasting in their motel room, because when they're loading the car up at the end of the episode, they're both in single layers! Even though it's nighttime and definitely still cold outside. I love the idea of them just being like lol, we're not paying for the heat so blaze it.

But you know what the best thing about this motel room is? The sinks.

I don't remember which sink spurred this comment, but I remember saying at some point that I wanted a whole blog just dedicated to SPN's sinks. The joy I feel when looking at this double sink action here really affirms that for me. This isn't even an implausible sink situation. I've definitely had motel rooms with this sink setup, and not even in like, large suite-like rooms where it would make more sense. This motel room they have is so small there's like two feet in between the end of the beds and the dressers and still whoever built it was like you know what this motel room needs? More sinks.

infamati et obliterati: 6x19
free fall
I've been thinking about this since I went to bed last night, but man, when everyone went to go apprehend Little Ryan after killing Eve, Castiel flew everyone to Uncle Joe's house, 15 miles outside of town.

But then Castiel abandoned them there to meet up with Crowley and, presumably, fix Grants Pass, OR such that no one remembered that the population had been significantly higher mere days before.

Given Sam and Bobby's suspicions at the end of the episode, it doesn't seem like Castiel ever went back for them, nor does it seem like they really would have waited around for him at Uncle Joe's house. So, after cleaning up shop and disposing of the bodies, did they find the keys and take Uncle Joe's car back to town?

Did anyone see them drive up and fleetingly think it was weird to see them, because isn't that Joe's Subaru? Joe from the bike shop? But then they go about their morning business and bury their confusion under post office runs and bills paid and that Church meeting, the one about Easter services and everyone thought was either scheduled too soon or too late but no one thought should have been today.

They're at the diner, though, when the entire Easter committee shows up, even though the tables there aren't big enough and Cheryl can't even eat gluten.

They keep looking at the walls, the waitstaff. Exactly the way Cheryl keeps looking at everything, honestly, the way she does when she wants to interior design something. Or when Jim rejects her plan for Easter decorations in the Social Hall and she doesn't think it's right.

They are not interior designers.

But then, neither is Cheryl.

Two specials, dry toast and a poached egg. The world's longest nurse of a single black coffee. The entire committee gets fed and out the door before they do.

"Joe ride in today?" Jim asks them, on the way out the door. So he'd noticed it, too--the strangers, Joe's car. He mimes a bike rider, hunched shoulders, steering like a madman. He looks like the big goon that he is. He looks like he's never ridden a bike.

(And Sam and Dean, because they'd stripped this guy's house of blood and violence, because they'd burned Joe's body and washed up in his bathroom and stolen his car, knew exactly what he was talking about.)

"Yeah," says the first one. "Had us bring the car around for him." Then he takes a sip of his coffee, as though it hadn't been stone cold for an hour already.

"Because of the rain later," says the second one.

The third, who'd eaten some of his toast but all of his egg, just raises his eyebrows, as though affronted that some stranger is disturbing their breakfast. And he's right, in the end, so off they go.

The keys are in the ignition of Joe's Subaru.

"This is nice," says Cheryl, squeezing past an old black car, too wide and too long for the space. "This Henry's T-Bird he was talking about? I thought he said it was blue."

Before they step across the street back to church, Jim and Cheryl both look up at the sky, watching for the rain.

Birthday Rewatch: 6x19 "Mommy Dearest"
gumby girl
Last year, I started a tradition of, on my birthday, watching the SPN episodes that aired the day closest to when Sam and Dean would have turned the same age as m--except I immediately fucked this up by not knowing how old Dean is and watching 2x12 last year instead of 1x14. So I'll watch 1x14 this year instead, along with 6x19 for Sam, which I watched just now.

6x19 is "Mommy Dearest," which I felt appropriate to the holiday. IT ALSO HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF MY TOP FAVORITE SPN EPISODES, from the Jefferson Starships to Noir!Cas to the excellent H/C aftermath fics related to consuming phoenix ash and also getting bit by Eve. I just. Adore.

S6 Castiel is one of my favorite Castiels (my other favorite Castiels probably being S4 Cas and S8 Cas, and maybe also S9 Cas) and the death of Eve turning straight into the revelation that Castiel has been machinating far more than he's been letting on, all tee'd up for the finale is just pitch perfect brilliant everything I've ever wanted. My love for 6x19 is directly proportional to my distaste for 6x20.

I love:

- Jefferson Starships! That whole scene, from Bobby going with "well, you found them, you get to name them" to Dean's pride in his explanation for why to Sam's quick-but-unamused adoption of the terminology.

- The way Bobby vocalizes his suspicions of Castiel, which Sam definitely agrees with--but he backpedals so hard when he sees Dean's face. Dean is completely open and vulnerable to Castiel's betrayal and it is so, so sad. And Sam doesn't want to be the one to hurt him like that (even if, technically, it's Cas. Was always going to be Cas).

- When they're trying to get Jefferson Starship intel from the first live victim they find, the guy is scared and delirious and dying. He desperately wants them to tell him facts about him, but all the Winchesters want to talk about, obviously, is how he got this way. And Sam just says, without skipping a beat, "The ambulance is coming." Whether or not Sam and Dean care whether they lie to victims or not really depends on the day, but this particular lie was so fluent and like, I dunno. It felt a lot more striking than your standard "it's going to be okay." Somehow the lie feels more egregious when it's specified.

- Look at these gorgeous settings. <33 (Surely I've confessed here at some point that I watched two entire seasons of True Blood just because I loved the set design so much. Don't really care about vampires, didn't care about those characters. BUT THE SET DESIGNS. All that HBO money going to good use.)

- Noir!Cas! Noir!Cas! Noir!Cas Noir!Cas!!!!!!!! <3_______<3 "Disapproves of Sam and Dean halting in the middle of trying to find Eve, after painstakingly tracking her down in ways that absolutely cannot be replicated ever again, should Eve choose to leave this place, just to drive two random kids 15 miles one-way to be with their uncle" Cas. "Right, I shouldn't be reproaching Sam and Dean's 'crippling and dangerous empathetic response with ~sarcasm~” Cas. "Standing in body-strewn diner as off-camera Crowley puts a nickel in the jukebox and a shaky low-angle camera stalks through the bodies toward Cas" Cas!!!!

- This episode is also home to one of my favorite 5-second segments of all of SPN, nearly on a par with my favorite one-liner ("salt being a spirit deterrent"): That one time Sam and Dean burst through a door so hard it swung back and Dean had to hit it out of the way again. IDK MAN I'M JUST.


- Also, this is probably very obvious, but I admittedly do not pay a whole lot of attention to SPN's lore surrounding Heaven and the cosmos and souls, but apparently monsters have souls. Like, obviously they had some kind of essence that when they died went to Purgatory, but I'm 100% certain I'd forgotten that that essence was a soul soul--like, equal exchange rate with a human soul kind of soul. And the whole reason Eve was taking any action on Earth at all was because Crowley was harvesting monster souls when his purview was supposed to be only human ones. (Because Crowley, because Castiel, because Heaven, because Purgatory, etc. etc. etc.)

Because I'd wondered, like, with the raising of the dead from Hell at the end of S14, was it just ghosts who'd died and gone to Hell? People who'd died and gone to Hell? (Bela? ELLLIE??????) But I guess if every monster Crowley killed over the course of S6, including the Hellatus year, ended up being suckered into hanging out in Hell instead of Purgatory, then there's potentially a lot more variety coming up out of the ground about now. Hmmm...

(no subject)
Do you ever just lie in bed in the dead of night, and then suddenly think--no, feel in his visceral, rib-clenching, almost anxiety-inducingly powerful way--"what the FUCK, I love Dean Winchester so much?????????"

Because man oh man, last Sunday's NASCAR race got rained out and ran at noon on Monday. But since my friends and I were all working, we didn't see the race--and agreed to latewatch it together. NASCAR didn't post the race until Wednesday morning, so we legit all stayed off nearly all social media to avoid spoilers waiting for tonight, when we could finally watch this race.

And when it ended I got SO DEEPLY SAD because when your life is just workworkwork and misery and despair you get kind of inured to it and accept that there is no joy in this world and life holds no bounties and it's just kind of like, okay, well, whatever I guess. This is fine. But then raceday came and we all got this taste of happiness and the prospect of the rest of this week suddenly felt completely unbearable because HAPPINESS? WHAT IS THIS FEELING? INTEREST? LOVE? THESE ARE REAL THINGS AFTER ALL? FUCK ME.

And then you lie awake with the insurmountable prospect of the rest of your soulless efficacy-lean stupid stupid week until you remember that Dean Winchester exists.



15x08 "Big Yellow Taxi"
free fall
I'm choosing 15x08 because it seems like a good spot for one of those episodes that's like, mostly a case but sort of related to the mytharc because it's just about time to start amping up for a mid-season finale BUT there's also still time for hi-jinks.

It's written by Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner and takes place in this parking lot in Detroit, home to the cheeriest 666 you ever did see:

Because, like Lucifer always said, IT HAPPENS IN DETROIT.

Other things this episode contains:

- callback to 8x19 "Taxi Driver," which perhaps you could have guessed from the title

- the title is also the title of that "paved paradise and put up a parking lot" song, which--who knew that was the title of that song? I sure didn't.

- the "paved paradise" lyrics are relevant because Heaven is sort of fucked, because they already couldn't keep the lights on even BEFORE Castiel killed whatsername (and Hell is also fucked, because they lost all their souls)

- this parking lot is some kind of weird celestial parking lot that can be driven to (in Detroit), but also deserves as a portal to both Heaven and Hell--and, in times of extreme duress, perhaps the Empty(??!?!)

- 8x19 is relevant because that's the episode where we learned reapers are warped pseudoangels who have the ability to ferry people to Purgatory (and perhaps... other dimensions of this universe?)

- And, as Billie says, "We need to talk."

- episode serves to shift attention back to Billie, the Empty guy, Jack, and Lucifer in the Empty just in time for the mid-season finale

bus serial, part 2
free fall
Part 1

14x20 - bus serial, part 2Collapse )

Happy birthday, Sam Winchester.
Words cannot describe. <33333

[reposted post]Our last summer hiatus...
reposted by kalliel
...make it a great one!

Sign-ups May 1 – May 19 - Click the banner for details!

MMHMMMHMMM. That feel when it starts storming thunderously and you're into it, and you think what would really pair well with this is your continued rewatch of S8. But instead you're stressed about work that isn't getting done and meetings early tomorrow morning and you suddenly realize, of all the rain, FUCK me, the basement is going to flood again.

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh

untitled serial bus story
Yesterday I forgot my phone at home, and therefore had no Podcasts to listen to on the bus, and ended up dreaming up this instead. I don't know where Bus Story is heading, but I felt like the thing to do would be to write it up in spurts and therefore not be compelled to edit or think too hard about whether it becomes anything.

14x20 - untitled serial bus storyCollapse )

15x04 "Take it Easy"
everything ends
I was in Arizona on business a month ago, but made liberal use of my rental car to have the time of my life. I'm just now getting around to going through the pics I took, but I laughed out loud when I saw this one, because it really does look like an establishing shot from the opening credits of a Supernatural episode. So I took the liberty of adding some credit text to it. XD

While we're at it, here's a stylescape for the aesthetic of the entire rest of the episode. Let's say this is 15x04, after we've set up our narrative for the season and it's time for a one-off MotW.

-- SN1504, "Take it Easy" -- A small town in northern Arizona offers the first quiet Sam and Dean have found since Chuck proclaimed The End. But if this is a town where even zombies won't go, well. That's never a good sign. --

14x20 "Moriah"
"And I listen to the same five albums over and over again... I'm annoying. I know that." - 4x06 "Yellow Fever"

I may or may not have, uh, downloaded that song yesterday..

Anyway. I want to record my feelings for posterity but I'm also too tired to live, so I'll just talk in circles for a bit.

14x20Collapse )

free fall
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

8x08 "Hunteri Heroici"
free fall
Man, this guy did NOT style his hair today. XD Busy night on the road.

14x19 "Jack in the Box" -- No Beers On Tap
free fall
cut for spoilersCollapse )

I mean, look at these people. They want to leave and go get some Kansas City barbecue, since they went through the trouble of driving all the way out to breadland for this evening of social awkwardness:

14x18 "Absence"
free fall
I just finished 14x18 and man, watching this show just makes me happy. <333 It's just like meh meh meh meh meh meh meh and then I hit play and it's possible to feel things that aren't just meh meh and more meh. It's bedtime so I'm going to try hard for concision, here:

- Rowena! I've been thinking about this since the mid-season finale, but I really wonder whether she's struck by the fact that even though she's a witch with a reputation for black magic, people are always coming to her for help--sometimes because she's legitimately positioned to have some authority on the matter at hand (Dean's memory spell, necromancy) but just as often, for things where she's equally as unqualified as anyone else in the room. When people are hurt, or dying. When they have brain injuries or organ failure. Human and corporeal failings.

And it's not just Sam. She's seen many a plague and famine, and it's always the same way. Hundreds of years and thousands of iterations, and it's always the same. They never seem to realize they're doing it, or that it should be odd. She's a born witch, and she's always fancied that had a lot to do with why--they can feel it, if only at the level of elements and humors.

You know, if she were in a town that didn't know her, didn't know her as the black witch, covenless Rowena, she'd help. She's never stayed any plagues, but she wasn't lying to Jack about dispositions. She'd end up in streets full of the dying, full of sewage and pox, and she'd care too much. The magic would bend.

She tried to train herself out of it--and largely succeeded; to care is not the same as having a bleeding heart--but she has never stayed any plagues. Exile is a powerful thing, as is its loneliness.

- Sam! I think this was reflex more than meditated decision, but the way he approached this question of like, whether they should have seen Jack's trouble brewing. <33 Because Dean's helpless at that point, and it's already translated to fury, and he's already half-banished Castiel because he needed to lash out and Castiel just happened to be the first thing in his sights. (Because it really didn't have anything to do with the snake, and Dean knew it, and Sam knew it, and maybe Castiel knew it, too.) And after Dean spent his anger at Castiel, the next item on the list would be to turn inward. But before Dean ever gets there, Sam says, "You know, it was me, too." Not in any aggressively self-loathing or dangerously all-encompassing way, though clearly he feels awful--but maybe he's already done that, already sat with that. There are already ghosts in the bunker and he has found his way to manage them.

I dunno. There was just something about the way Sam opened that door that made it so Dean couldn't spiral further without taking Sam with him, blaming Sam in the same way, and Dean's not going to do that. Not now. Dean could only join Sam in misery shared--a misery that can't be gathered and shouldered alone, in the hopes of sparing someone else. I know it sounds weird to say that that's comforting, and maybe it's a cold comfort, but it's not often what happens with either of them (even when they are both miserable simultaneously, lol). They were just super on the same page, emotionally. Which, again, EVEN IF THAT EMOTION WAS ACUTE AND TERRIBLE MISERY, it let them manage. Managing doesn't always mean you feel good; it just means you're still there. (The opposite of "absence" isn't joy.)

- Dean! I probably can't even put it into words, but I love Dean's misdirected anger. Or just like, watching him respond to things. The tight barometric pressure that builds around him. The way both Castiel and Sam (and Dean) manage that. That late scene, where he stands in the door way the entire time, is perfect. And when Sam stops Castiel from going to speak with him at Mary's pyre. Ah!! askjfa;kjkajs

- Jack! Poor Jack. <333 This whole fiasco felt really grounded in human truths rather than big mythic consequences, as counterintuitive as it sounds; and I always appreciate SPN's human truths. Because like, okay. On some level this is a story about a morally unstable Nephilim paired with nigh limitless celestial power, zapping around the world and dabbling in unadvised necromancy, blah blah. But what it really felt like to me was, here's this kid who misunderstood his responsibilities, or the impact he might have on a situation, and really fucked up. It felt like a kit who went drinking and driving, and killed someone. Or a kid who got into the family gunsafe, and it resulted in a fatal mistake. And then it felt like a kid, thinking that meant everything was over, everything was fucked, tried to fix it somehow but really just made things worse. (Perhaps in the orbits, or in reaction to, people who, imperfect, also stood to make things worse. Because let's face it. Maybe Jack's subconscious!Lucifer wasn't right. But he also wasn't wrong. Classic Lucifer. And I think the likelihood of Sam and Dean confronting this in 100% the most effective way in 14x19 and 14x20 is basically 0. I think it will be interesting to see how Sam and Dean interpret their circumstances wrt Jack--as a purely supernatural problem, or as an interpersonal/human one. It'd be smarter to do the latter, but I also don't know that they'll be able to, given that taking that perspective the rest of the season seems like it's what's led to this crossroads in the first place. Because if they allow themselves to see it that way, how many times have they encountered similar crises? Let's not forget technically once kidnapped a nurse, stuffed her in the back of his car, drove her out to the middle of nowhere, and nearly tortured her in an attempt to get at Lilith. And Dean killed entire roomfuls of people multiple times across S9/10. Sure--demon blood, Mark of Cain. We could call those foreign influences. But I think what really made them powerful was they both snared that line between what was and wasn't separate, what was and wasn't "you." I wouldn't say it's so far removed from Nephilim Grace. I don't think Sam and Dean will approach it that way, though. Or if they do, it won't have been their first or second inclination. XP)

Anyway, that's how Jack killing Mary felt. Not like "oh, Jack's gone dark side" but "wow, this kid really fucked up," in ways that desperately require both help and punitive action. If Jack and been high and hit Mary with his car (which, reaping unintended consequences with your Nephilim powers seems like that), that action would be unconscionable. The loss of life, unforgivable. The guilt, all-consuming. Life, ever-altered. But it still presents a more complicated moral/emotional landscape than killing a Wendigo. It's only further complicated by the fact that this would be a second offense (see: Tombstone). (Committed vehicular manslaughter. Went to juvie [in Cone World]. Got probation. Kept an even keel for a while. Then got mixed up in uncontrollable things again.) So what can you do, then? What do you do when it feels like getting out of this hole, foreclosing future disasters, feels impossible? What do you do when it feels like there's no way to stop the spiral? That feels real to me. It feels real and urgent and messy and awful and I love it.

...Pfft, "concision." Apparently that word doesn't mean "short," just means "I will only elaborate to the extent that I need in this conversation with myself, utterly disregarding any additional explication other audiences might require." OH WELL.

LJ 20th anniversary
free fall

You can get your own card here!


We all knew I-94 was shit
free fall
This is from my neighborhood Facebook page:

...It was nice knowing you all!

8x07 (the rest)
free fall
I was kind of hoping I'd be able to click these eps off pretty quick, marathon them one after the other and just have fun watching, but I keep feeling compelled to stop and obsess over scenes that past!me severely underrated. Because like, when I think about what I was mostly paying attention to when I first watched S8, I think the split was like 70% Amelia, 15% Castiel, 5% Linda Tran, 5% Sam, 3% sudden resurgence of Meg, 2% Dean (in 8x01 and 8x18).

For Dean, I just felt like, mmmm, this man needs some space, so I just sort of gave him the season to do his thing. Which I realize doesn't have much logic to it, because the TV character/TV watcher relationship really doesn't work like that, but it is what it is. XP That's just how I felt, so I sort of. Ignored him for a season.

But now it's been seven years and S8 Dean doesn't get space anymore; I've come, I've descended, I'm heeereeeeeee.

things I wanna remember about 8x07Collapse )