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dean spiderfucker winchester

Bulletproof Kinks
free fall
In addition to "letters received after the fact" I think I need to add, like, whatever is a succinct way of describing those underplayed moments where a character, like, responds to or says something completely matter of factly, but it's probably something that shouldn't or wouldn't normally be discussed with that affect. Or like, they matter of factly offer up extremely specific details about a practice or feeling and its like, wait, back up. Why do you know that? Like when the rugaru guy is like, do you know what it's like to feel hungry? Like, haven't eaten in days hungry? And Dean's just like "yeah." Or in 7x15 when Jeffrey starts explaining how he got institutionalized and Dean just rattles off the specific sequence of events that would have occurred?

Which like, this is arguably the sentiment the entire show is based around, since of course you should be afraid of the dark! you know what's out there and all, and Sam and Dean's lives are basically to receive as normal everything that shouldn't be. But while I also enjoy that, I think what really gets me is when the character offers their response and either doesn't realize the strangeness of their matter of factness, or only realizes belatedly that like, oh, that might raise questions that I don't care to answer, huh. (Versus the character being like, "Yup, ghosts are real. Knew this was coming, knew this was going to blow your mind. Next!")

Like, there's this scene in Cars 3 where Lightning McQueen makes this really quick joke about how life's a bitch and then you die--which you can sort of skim over on a first watch because you're not expecting that kind of thing from, well, Lightning McQueen. Who is 1) the Pixar protagonist of a PG-rated film about animated racecars, which is not really where nihilistic fatalism typically comes to roost, and 2) generally an upbeat, simple pleasures kind of guy, who doesn't tend to have a particularly strong grasp of his own spectrum of feelings, and doesn't often have the mental depth of field to think far enough in the future to be nihilistic about it.

But at the same time, he absolutely does have that side to him, and has across all three movies. The part of him that's dead serious, a little cynical, not that fun to be around, and utterly uncompromising. The part of him that understands, very much, the equally uncompromising and unsympathetic world he is a part of. I think in Cars 3 Lightning surprises even himself with that part of himself, and that's what I find so compelling about the joke. Because it's just a few scenes later where he's really like, Ohhhh, shit. That was weird of me, wasn't it. Oh wow. Which was helpful for him to realize for himself, but also drove home how alone he felt/how alone he genuinely was at that point in the film, because none of the other characters in that scene knew him well enough/felt brave enough to ask, "Are you okay?"

love with all your senses
Apologies for this regular trickle of extremely content-less posts, but I have been having a Dean Winchester meltdown (about him, not in the style of him) all week and do you ever just BRIM WITH LOVE for someone but you can't really put that love anywhere, or do anything with it, or really even channel it or work it out of your system by like, watching SPN or something, so that it will leave you in peace?? I wish I would get Important Things done faster so that I could spend time with things that matter, like Dean Winchester.

they hadn’t learned to count the odds and to sense they might owe the universe a tragedy
everything ends
In 1949 the Smokejumpers were still so young that they referred affectionately to all fires they jumped on as “ten o’clock fires,” as if they already had them under control before they jumped. They were still so young they hadn’t learned to count the odds and to sense they might owe the universe a tragedy.

Norman Maclean, Young Men and Fire

Someone posted this quote on Facebook and I wanted to save it here, because I find that last line absolutely compelling. And because I am me, also absolutely associate it with the Winchesters. I'm sure nearly all of you would, too.

Michigan got its first lick of fall and ALL I WANNA DO IS LIE IN BED AND WATCH SUPERNATURAL. Which, looking back to one of my recent posts, is exactly what I wanted to do a few weeks ago. But what haven't I done yet?????

But as I was leaving the gas station yesterday "Carry On Wayward Son" came on on the radio, and just now as I sat down to work "Simple Man" did. "Simple Man" is one of my top favorite music cues SPN has ever done, even though it makes me want to burst into tears on reflex, haha. 5x03 was the third episode I ever watched live. <33333333

I just love

Sam and Dean



Not Haunted.
When are we doing our SPN Property Brothers AU collab, quickreaver? XD

free fall
I'm in the midst of 5000 too many things and timezone-confused and very stressed out and full of internal chaos, but I just looked up where I was in my S8 rewatch and now all I want to do is marathon SPN for the rest of my life. Dx

Where did all these kids go, anyway?
free fall

13x14, "Good Intentions"

Oh man.
Oh man. I hadn't watched 8x15 since it aired, and I knew my omission was on purpose, but ahahahahaha. It is so bad. The other night I was watching it and I just like, good lord, just let me go to sleep and end this nightmare. Good thing we have 937 other episodes to choose from!

But!! I'm finally on the downhill slope of S8 after this 4-year long rewatch. I vastly prefer the first half of S8 to the second, but I'm very much looking forward to 8x18 and 8x23. <3333

"Highway Tune" - Greta Van Fleet
Since we can't afford Led Zeppelin, you know what S15 should really consider?

Featuring this song, "Highway Tune" by Greta Van Fleet:

Biiiiig Zeppelin energy, but of a 2017 vintage and based out of Michigan!

Did I mention biiiiiiiiig Zeppelin energy? Also, the EP is literally titled "Black Smoke Rising," so like...

If you find their sound offensively similar, here's some actual Zeppelin for you as a chaser. XD

But like, think about it. The royalties would be much cheaper. And the Yardbirds only have so much music.

Today I Learned...
...that only did Kansas put an actual Cold War bunker up for sale once, some random dude actually turned it into a mansion: So uh, that's a real thing Kansas does.

Also, in 8x13, Dean refers to the bunker's "shower room." I don't actually know what word Dean typically uses to refer to bathrooms, but I don't think it's that. And like, the bunker and I have this really great deal going where I tolerate its presence and in exchange I get to do whatever I want with its architecture and I really don't care what it is in canon. But I've never really thought about the bathrooms, honestly. And I think when I've written fic that involved the bunker's bathrooms for whatever reason, it's always just been your typical motel suite setup, with one shower in a room separated from the toilet and sink. But that's like... the least likely bunker bathroom setup?? given the hostel setup of the rest of the bunker's residential area. XP

So then I was like, well, would it be more like a dorm suite style, with a row of separate shower pods, with a counter of multiple sinks either directly across from them?? Or a locker room style, with a great big 3/4 tile room that just has a bunch of spigots installed with no curtains at all??

And then I remembered that herpity derp, we have canon bunker bathroom--er, shower room, that is:

From that shot, it looks like the bunker straight-up just has a selection of spigots coming out of a tiled wall, in the exact same room as all the sinks and urinals. (Toilets appear to be elsewhere.)

I dunno how many people the bunker is supposed to be able to hold, but judging from the size of the kitchen, I'm guessing like 50 max? So I feel like there'd be 6-8 showers/sinks in this bathroom, and that there'd be 2, maybe 3, of them.

I'm sure a bunch of you are like, "Uh, yes... The bunker has existed for six and a half years, and you've had all this time to figure this out. And you're just doing it now?" IDK MAN I JUST NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE. SHOWER ROOMS!


Next up, 8x15 "Man's Best Friend with Benefits," one of only two episodes I've seen only once (the other being 9x20). What mystery lies before me??

"Old Number Seven" - my Dean/Castiel song
A few months ago, for whatever reason, I had this massive bout of nostalgia for old school Dean/Cas. Like, circa 2009-2011 old school. At that time, I was running with a lot of extremely talented, very wonderful Casgirls, and OOF, oh man, so much of old school Dean/Cas was unheimlich and slithering and thoughtful and otherworldly (but grounded) and everything I like in my Dean/Cas--and in my angels broadly speaking.

I tend not to yearn for Dean/Cas long enough to actually go find any--outside of very contentedly running through all my favorite Dean and Castiel scenes in canon--but the feeling does come up.

And I feel a little dumb sharing the vid, now, because it's SO on the nose and probably a disservice to the very old school Dean/Cas it always reminds me of, but whenever I hear this song, I fall in love with vaguely creepy-definitely weird-but extremely intense old school Dean/Cas. THE HEART HEARS WHAT THE HEART HEARS, OKAY. This would be S4 Dean/Cas, not just any Dean/Cas:

Old Number 7 - The Devil Makes Three

I guess I grew up on an old dirt road
Pedal to the metal always did what I was told
'Till I found out that my brand new clothes
Came second hand from the rich kids next door
When I grew up fast I guess I grew up mean
There's a thousand things inside my head I wish I ain't seen
And now I just wander through a real bad dream
Feelin' like I'm coming apart at the seams

Thank you Jack Daniel's Old Number Seven
Tennessee Whiskey got me drinking in heaven
Angels start to look good to me
They're gonna have to deport me to the fiery deep
Thank you Jack Daniel's Old Number Seven
Tennessee Whiskey got me drinking in heaven
I know I can't stay here too long
'Cause I can't go a week without doin' wrong

So I'm sitting as the bar stool it starts to grow roots
Feelin' like an old worn out pair of shoes
Tell me what is it that I should do
When I'm swimming in the liquor only half way through
So I'm watching as his wings spread as wide as could be
Come on now and wrap them around me
'Cause all I want to do now is fall to sleep
Come down here and lay next to me

8x11 "LARP and the Real Girl"
Man, someone remind me not to watch SPN while sitting in airport terminals. Once I was watching 6x10 for the first time and treated the little old lady next to me to a whole ton of tortureporn.

I'm watching 8x11 right now, and while it's not quite to the level of 6x10, every time this poor woman next to me has looked over, someone is getting drawn and quartered or projectile vomiting blood before he bleeds to death out of every orifice in his head.

8x10 "Torn and Frayed"
gumby girl
I remember absolutely adoring 8x10 as the mid-season finale when I first watched it, because the "resolution" Sam and Dean shove at themselves in this episode is so deeply unresolved and shitty. My heart always breaks for Amelia, who'd been so embittered and caustic in almost all the time she'd known Sam and finally took a chance on being storybook romantic, only to have it not turn out. And also Dean at the beginning of this episode knowing that he'd fucked up sending Sam off to Amelia but not really believing that he'd fucked up and wanting to get over the issue rather than through it. And Sam having to be the one to point out why Dean's solution might have been especially shitty because ReMeMBeR JesSiCa?!?! (I am pretty sure Dean was not thinking about Jessica, though he might've briefly thought about Ben's having pulled the same thing on him re: Lisa, putting it in the "irresponsible and childish but probably effective" box of plans rather than the "I can't believe you could possibly betray me by inflicting this unnecessary harm" box. Whoops.)

And then Dean belatedly thinking about circumstances a little more via Kevin and trying to apply what he'd considered in Kevin to Sam...without also extending the same grace to Kevin lololol. Out of everyone who's ever had their lives destroyed over the course of this show, I think the Trans still win the "Well, That Was the Worst" award.

And then! Both Sam and Dean jettisoning all of this because of the dire issue of Castiel acting weird--only to realize, wait, if Castiel pops off to Heaven with Samandiel's body, there's not actually a whole lot they can do. And so just watching wrestling while eating canned chili and stewing in their earlier un-resolutions together. And what says "Winchester" more than... literally all of that. XDDD

8x09 "Citizen Fang"
where&#39;s perry
Askljfafkj <333333 As well you all know, I’ve been in the middle of a SPN rewatch since the summer before S10 aired. I have been in the middle of my S8 rewatch for about as long, which I suppose means I have been rewatching S8 for FIVE YEARS and just now finished 8x09, which is so early into S8 that Sam is still having gaussian-blurred, hyper saturated flashbacks of life with Amelia and the Men of Letters and the bunker aren’t even a thing yet.

I’ve been trying to get to 8x09 for months now, and I know this because I have this distinct memory of want to continue S8 very badly but also realizing, shit, wait, obviously I need to make room for 14x20 first. And ever since I’ve gotten these flashes of deep, keening longing for Sam and Dean at prompted and unprompted moments that I’ve never been able to capitalize on.

I’m supposed to be working, but it’s the random Friday in between the Fourth of July and the weekend, and I’m sick, so I was just like fuck it what do I care, time for leftover corn and 8x09 gdi.

I hate the feeling of being un-fluent in SPN and not feeling like I have it in me, within easy reach at all times, if that makes sense. But if it has to be that way, I will also say that coming home to it after a spell of absence is a wonderful feeling as well. <333333

8x09 is the episode where we find out that Benny’s been working as a fry cook in Louisiana at his great granddaughter’s gumbo shack and that Sam sicced Martin (from 5x11) on Benny and good lord, the whole thing is just so fantastic.

some things have to be shown, not told, but here's me attempting to tell anywayCollapse )


The Egg and the Ostrich
free fall
I probably at this point have months of update to write down in this journal, but last night's dream requires an immediate post:

I dreamed that during the S14 finale, some strange God- and/or curse-related thing made Dean think he was an egg. Like, he was a normal human body still, but he thought he was an egg. In SPNverse, eggs apparently had consciousness at all, but it was very...egg.

But it turned out this was fine, because Sam was actually, already, had always been an ostrich.

And that's literally how the season ended. No cliffhanger, no breaking the curse. Just, "Oh, Sam's an ostrich so this is fine!" XDDDD

I don't even have a favorite part of this. The whole thing.
gumby girl
I really don't spend that much time considering the bold-faced attractiveness of Sam or Dean, but this gif is extremely attractive and I've watched it circuit through a good number of times this morning and I thought you all would enjoy it, too. XDD

original post

free fall
Just one of those moments where you're idly skimming through your usually-fairly-boring Tumblr feed and suddenly God is shouting at you:

[original post]

Because I definitely heard that line in Chuck's voice. I feel like when people say they're shook they don't really mean it but wowzers, I got shook. "Shocked out of my automatism" indeed!

I mean, they only have one more season to redeem bugs. Go bug or go home???
free fall
The S15 episode where there's a Biblical plague but Sister Jo's in charge:

Rec: "As a Teacher of Gothic Lit, I Should Have Known Better Than to Move into a Haunted House"
free fall
A friend/colleague of mine recently published a creative nonfiction piece that I finally got a chance to sit down and read, and even though only an excerpt is available online (and I've only read said excerpt so far), I adored it, and I think some of you would really enjoy it, too, so I wanted to give it a rec.

It's about life in her haunted house in rural Ohio, which burned to the ground a while back. They've recently finished repairs and returned to it with their new child, so hopefully all ghosts and portents have been laid to rest. <3 But if you enjoy the gothic mode, haunted houses, and gorgeously written, spectral Americana, I think you'll enjoy this piece as much as I did.

Here's an excerpt of the excerpt, to tantalize:

On Halloween, newly pregnant for the second time in two months, I stood on the front porch, wrangling the dog in his crocodile costume while a parade of Disney princesses and Power Rangers held out pillowcases and plastic pumpkins like Catholics awaiting Communion wafers. A six-year-old witch gazed up admiringly at the turret while I fumbled for a fun-size Snickers. “I like your house,” she said. “It reminds me of one of those fairy tale castles.”

“Me, too,” I agreed. I decided that when—or if, as I would continue to say for months to come—this baby arrived, the turret room would eventually become theirs, because what child would not love a fantasy of fortification, even if the kingdom was a shabby corner lot?

Of course, fairy tale castles nearly always conceal some species of darkness, often relating to the imprisonment and abuse of women. As I cleaned and painted in preparation for the possibility of not-Eclipse Baby, I waited for our house to reveal its obscured horrors—panicking, for instance, when I discovered a tuft of brown hair poking from a crack in a closet wall, convinced that the people who had rented the house before it was abandoned to vacancy (Russian drug dealers, we learned from a neighbor) had buried a body there. This was before I learned that Victorians often insulated their homes with horsehair. So it wasn’t haunted, then—at least, not in the way I might have imagined.

Still, hauntings happened—not those of the paranormal variety, but those that were, to the contrary, entirely ordinary: the kind sociologist Avery Gordon defines as “those singular yet repetitive instances when home becomes unfamiliar.” Haunting, Gordon writes, “alters the experience of being in time” as we come to realize that “what’s been concealed is very much alive and present.” In other words, we live amid palimpsests, the past only overwritten but never erased.

And the past indeed appeared in unlikely places, creeping out of corners and closet walls. We received mail for long-gone occupants. The doorframe of the nursery charted the heights of other people’s children.

“All houses wherein men have lived and died,” wrote Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “are haunted houses.”
-- As a Teacher of Gothic Lit, I Should Have Known Better Than to Move into a Haunted House by Emily Waples

15x01 "The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg"
free fall

One day I was as you are
One day you will be as I am

This afternoon finchandsparrow and I met up at a nature preserve and had a lovely, tick-filled tromp around the woods, wetlands, and fields! At one point, the preserve even abutted a cemetery, where we saw an interesting headstone.

But OMG, finchandsparrow, I'M AN IDIOT. You know how I was like, "oh wow, I wonder what that's supposed to mean. All I can think about is zombies?" I did not realize until just now that speaker of the phrase on the headstone was meant to be the person buried, even though, duh!!! Of course it is!!

For some reason I imagined the speaker was the person who had bought the headstone and had it engraved, and that it was a message to the person buried there. Which, in retrospect, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

But now I want a story about some weird town where it's long been common practice to use headstones as opportunities for elegy--messages to the dead. Usually, they're just updates about the family, or the world, so the dead person can keep up to date. Sometimes, if the person was afraid to die, they're assurances--like the headstone above.

Because, see, in this town, the dead have a habit of rising.

PERSONALLY, I THINK IT'D BE HILARIOUS if 15x01 took place in a town where everyone is pretty used to the dead-rising thing, but baffled by the fact that ghosts and monsters exist, because wait, that's not how this supposed to happen.

"Yeah, sure, because what happens here normally is totally normal."

It'd be an opportunity to 1) forestall diving straight into the God Apocalypse problem while still thematizing it in the premiere, 2) justify a MotW when the GOD APOCALYPSE just started, 3) include lingering thoughts/a convo about Mary--her being dead-dead and not coming back (and what about Jack?), but also about whether things might have been different if S12 hadn't come as such a shock to her, and she'd had forewarning. They could skirt around conversations about grieving practices, and maybe even figure out what's up with the apparently very normal dead-rising in town and how all that came about.