July 14th, 2013



Last night my brother watched almost an entire season of the anime, Fullmetal Alchemist (1x03-1x18). FMA was my first fandom on LJ, and my longest outside of SPN, because I spent 2004-2007 there. It's still good. It's really, really good. If anything it's actually better than I thought it was back then, and I dedicated three very ardent years of my fandom life to it, so clearly I thought it was amazing then, too. I can better appreciate what I felt was "filler" back then, I think. And it's smart, and layered, crazily complex. I kept trying to remember who all these people were, how they fit together, how the government conspiracies panned out; because some things I remembered down to the composition of the scene, the individual lines of dialogue. Other things were just gone completely from my mind--big things.

Every episode they interrogate the humanity in, well, people, recognize the incredible array of motives, evils, double standards that make up an imperial world with war-torn borders and a government with genocide in its past (and present). It's a bildungsroman without the tinny insularity I tend to associate with anything people call a bildungsroman.

Oh, and there's wild amounts of H/C. Like, crazy, wild, enormous amounts of H/C. Which I kind of remember, but H/C wasn't a genre there and it wasn't the same kind of institution it is for us in SPN fandom.

Anyway, it occurred to me that my brother is around the same age I was when I first got into FMA, and was writing for it. And I'd been writing very bad fic for a fandom that shall not be named for a good year and a half before that, too. I haven't read any of my things from that period, though I do remember some, but thinking about my brother's capacity for understanding, analysis, and the written word, I think I feel a bit more willing to forgive my authorial failings at that age. XD

It also occurred to me that I'd read and written a lot more porn at his age than I'm sure he's even considered. This may explain why I've basically been over porn since like, 2008. I GOT IT ALL OUT OF MY SYSTEM EARLY ON.

I've also been trying to wach S8 of House, MD--that is, the final season. I have no love in my heart for it, whatsoever. And that pains me a little, because House is the only show I've ever watched weekly, the day it aired, on actual television, for any sustained amount of time (S3, 4, and 5; 2006-2009). But S8 is just playing off manufactured personal/sexual drama, old crises, and hokey visual gags unbecoming of its genre. All the pieces are there (House doing crazy things, doctors ostensibly practicing medicine or some variant thereof, moments of intuition brought on my seemingly unrelated personal conversations, etc.) but they're not actually doing anything.

There are nominal stakes, but no felt ones. There are bodies, but not actually people. And all their patients seem to have crazy shenanigans going on in their lives, but only because they have to. The show has managed to dial in medical emergencies, which ngl, I guess is kind of impressive. In a 'how the hell do you manage that?' kind of way.

I'll shut up about it now, because negativity bores me and no one likes to read it, but I'm determined to finish out the series because I worked myself up to finishing this out for two years and I am 14 episodes from the bitter, bitter end, and I want to see former!Show through. I want to see if they can bring it home.

And to be honest, I hope they can, because everything I just said about House I also feel about my own writing right now. :( And that makes me more sad, because House and I are really just formally signing the divorce papers right now; we've been separated for years. I have found a More Profound Pond to swim in! That is not, and will never be, the case with me and writing. I just want to write things that at the very least, I like, I hate you brain I hate you a lot. :S

Hey guys, I used to watch House to be inspired by its compelling interpersonal stories with quiet understated power. DO YOU THINK IT WOULD WORK IF I DID THAT NOW. XP

Okay no, I'm really done with that one now, I promise. I just. Good lord. XP