July 18th, 2013


And you? You're a stranger to me.

I am having writing strife. :( I don't like it. I don't like it at all. It's making me feel very mundane and very anxious. It's also making everything else feel boring, so it's hard to go off and ~seek inspiration. My solution thus far has been to read a boring book, watch some boring TV, and also an episode of SPN.

More specifically, 6x10 "Caged Heat." I know a lot of people don't like it because of the torture porn and the rampant rape innuendos, but I really enjoyed it for those reasons. Not because I condone rape or insensitive reference to rape in fiction, I just--never mind. You're just going to have to trust whatever you know about my character on that one. But there are so many little glances and LOOKS in that episode, god. Dean and Samuel, Meg and Sam, Meg and Dean, Meg and demon!Christian... The list goes on.

I continue to be endlessly fascinated with Dean and soulless Sam, as well. Because whatever soulless Sam's indiscretions, at least they were matter-of-fact? I just think it's interesting that Dean treats soulless Sam like a shittier version of Sam--but not, importantly, like a stranger. And he can get away with it because soulless Sam doesn't have a soul, he doesn't really care; and everyone else (here meaning Castiel and Bobby) lets him get away with it, because, well, it's not Sam. Zero recrimination for beating the shit out of him, or verbally hounding him, for uh.. stuffing Sam's soul back into what by that point was also soulless!Sam's body, for all of the guilt-mongering. It's not that I don't get where Dean's coming from; I just think it's important to notice where he went.

Dean then goes on to tell Castiel in 6x10 that Castiel doesn't need to apologize. They are friends. Surely you don't need me to point out the tragic irony of this statement with respect to their future! :(

Dean has a lot of bad qualities, though I think self-righteous guilt-mongering probably tops that list. But Dean's not actually a self-righteous person. It's just sad and frustrating that he acts that way--I mean, I get it, I do--but it's still sad and frustrating and Dean bb, I HATE YOU but I also really, really love you. That is all.

Oh, and as you might suspect I have a very, very vibrant personal running headcanon across the entirety of SPN, but by watching a single, mostly random episode of S6 last night I managed to put that away and lololol I see why all the Dean fans are upset about the trajectory of canon post- what? S5? I SEE IT NOW. And now I'm sad about it, too. :( Though as LJ's resident Sera!stan and as someone who will probably never forgive Carver for the US version of Being Human I don't actually see this changing any time ever. I see it ending a little like this. Not literally--not in canon, in any case--but I think there's a pretty big chance that's what this is going to feel like.

Which, you know, I can also be on board with! So long as I keep that piece I linked in mind.

It's just gonna hurt like hell.
free fall

[Fic] Riven - gen pre-series, hurt/comfortish; John, Dean, Sam; smoking!Dean

Title: Riven
Characters: John, Dean, Sam
Genre: gen, pre-series (Dean is 18), hurt/comfortish
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: smoking, parenting
Word Count: ~2300
Summary: What it comes down to is, John is too late for everything but what's ahead of them. If he runs fast enough, maybe he'll be far enough ahead to turn around and face what's left.
Notes: This is for my friend, alexadean, who asked if I would write a story about teen!Dean smoking to see if it would get John's attention.

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