Title: a little colder [AO3] Genre: gen, pre-series Characters: John, Mary, Dean Rating: G Word Count: ~1200 Summary: Dean is born a little early, and John grapples with the ugly side of worry. Mary makes some promises she cannot keep. Notes: It's glorious_spoon's headcanon, I think, that I borrowed for this fic. ♥ Written for the hospitalized!Dean Themed Week @ hoodie_time. Warning for ominous portents.
Sometimes I wonder if the way you 'fan' something isn't immediately pre-determined by the moment you step into it. I came into SPN between S4 and S5, and my first impressions of Sam and Dean belong to S4; and S4 will always be my point of departure--unlike say, people who actually started from the beginning and moved more or less chronologically from there.
So for me, the Winchester status quo is suspicious, and secretive, and unforgiving, violent, and savagely, unremittingly loving, even if that love is angry, disappointed, incompletely or ineffectively expressed.
The core of the Winchesters for me isn't really this 'two sad heroes who are basically decent people have brotherly love' thing that I think it is for a lot of other people. Mine is more like, 'two disastrously human heroes are a complete fucking trainwreck ...of brotherly love.' The first moments I really remember watching watching are Sam and Dean walking away from each other. I remember watching S3/2/1 after S4 and thinking, ACK ANXIETY WHAT ARE YOU DOING why do you trust each other so much?
Pair that with the fact that the show I'd come out of--prior to SPN, my Show was HBO's Six Feet Under, which spent a rather merciless four years destroying everything you might have loved about their entire ensemble cast as these people poisoned everything around them (and then one finale year picking up the pieces, finally two steps forward and only one step back)--and I fee like that's a reasonable genealogy for why I feel the way I do about Sam and Dean, and how important I think it is to acknowledge their shittier aspects.
Yeah, it's rough, and really not terribly pleasant. But it's also exactly what I came here for.
And because Tumblr is a POS and now I know spoilers: [spoilers 9x07]I don't think it's some tremendous blow to Dean's character, or some defamation of Dean to say that he lost a lot of rather important "feeding Sam depends on this" money in a card game. People lose; and even the best (which Dean isn't--I'm sure he's good, but have you ever watched the Poker World Championships?? Wait, don't answer that. And yes, I have) lose big. It's simple mathematics.
And I think it's going to be vital to Sam to really sort these things out, when push comes to Ezekiel. I don't think Sam practices Orthodox Dean Idolatry, but I absolutely believe that reflex is there somewhere (I mean, see: the first scene in 9x01. See: the gun changeover in 9x04, etc.). Dean spent the first half of this series growing out of his idolization of John, forded the rivers of horrible doubt and de-romanticism, and came into a better way of loving his father. Sam, I think, needs to do (and has been working through) the same in terms of Dean. Whatever happens through S9, I think it'll hurt like hell, and I think there's going to be a lot of dragging, a lot of slogging through mud. But sometimes you need to.
Unrelated to emoceans, the 17 second promo for 9x07 is actually really awesome? Not that I have much basis to judge, since mostly I refuse to watch them, but... that's because mostly they really suck. XD [spoilers 9x07]BRING ON THE HAUNTED HOUSE YAY.
This Journal's Spoiler Policy
Since I'm trying by very best to keep edit:abreast well the fuck away!!! from ALL spoilers for this season (fuck you Tumblr, have I said that enough times yet?), and I know some of you are too, here's my personal spoiler policy for this journal:
I will keep all spoilers I write about under LJ's spoiler tags, for up to a week from an episode's original air date. If a post is half spoilery and half not, like this one, I'll do my best to keep accidental spoilers to a minimum by also using LJ's spoiler tags in the comments to said entries. (If a post is an episode reaction, I will assume that everyone assumes that the comments section is likely RIFE WITH SPOILERS for said episode, so I won't bother in that case, XD.)
I'd hope that if you choose to comment to my entries you will do the same, but hey, if it's not your own preference, it's pretty easy to forget. So you know, it's kind of whatever? But for reference, the greatest piece of code LJ has ever thought to introduce!:
<lj-spoiler text="spoilers for 0x00"> YOUR SPOILER <lj-spoiler>
That being said, with the exception of, apparently, 9x07 spoilers, I have officially escaped all further spoilings! And omg, I'm going to try so hard to keep it that way. It is so much more fun! Please help me retain my spoiler chastity. :P