May 12th, 2014

firefly

Notes on Dishabille

I don't normally write Sam/Dean, and I don't read much of it, either. I'm unfamiliar with the culture surrounding it. But I just added an additional warning to Dishabille that I am not really comfortable with adding, or having to add, so I wanted to talk a little more about this story.

It took four months to think about and three to write. And by "write" I mean it took two days to write, a few days to be beta-read, six hours to rewrite, and the rest of that time to think about whether to post it or not. Because especially for a fic of this nature, I think you're required to really think about what you're putting out there.

This fic supposed to be upsetting. It's supposed to be really damn upsetting. I'm not sure there was a single scene, or a single means of framing a scene, that wasn't upsetting to me, as its writer and by virtue of that, likely its most careful reader. Obviously I don't want anyone triggered, and that's a very individualized response with a lot of different if/thens that I am unequal to the task of controlling. But I would also hope that there is nothing about my fic header that suggests that the text below the cut isn't going to be upsetting. That there is nothing about the first 1300 words of this fic that promises the next 120 aren't going to happen.

Text beyond the cut involves discussion of rape and other incarnations of dubious/coerced/psychologically suspect tensions related to consent.

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That convoluted, messy system of fuckery is what this fic is about. Being unable to parse that fuckery and put into a collection of separate terms is what this fic is about. And to potentially present it or label it in a way that presents it as anything but a convoluted, messy, irreparably tangled system of fuckery makes me personally very uncomfortable, in a way that is different from the discomfort I signed on for when I moved to write this fic.

Anon, you experienced a discomfort different than the discomfort you signed on for when you moved to read this fic. And I'm sorry, I really am, if that was a deeply upsetting experience for you.

But I've thought about this overnight now, and I think that maybe that was also the point. That was the point of this fic. To be surprised and upset and then forced to think about something you didn't think could happen.

It can.


Comments are closed. If there's something here you feel you need to respond to, you can reach me via e-mail or PM. Full disclosure, I'm upset and I may choose not to respond.