October 30th, 2014



[SDCC-era spoilers for 10x05 within - no teaser spoilers]The thing that got me hooked on S4 my first time watching was 4x18, "Monster at the End of This Book." I wasn't invested in the Show at the time, but I absolutely loved 4x18 anyway, and still do. I remember being on AIM (oh man, AIM) and trying to convince someone to watch this show I was barely watching just because of that episode.

The moment I knew I'd fallen in love with Supernatural was while I was watching 5x09, "The Real Ghostbusters." I never meant to fall in love with SPN, but apparently I did.

I remember not being able to watch 6x15 "The French Mistake" on my own, because I was too troubled by its portents and afraid of how badly the canon RPF deal was going to traumatize the crap out of me. I found a buddy who felt the same way, and we both had the greatest time of our lives. I remember being in Russia with two SPN fans, and we had an hour to spend together and one episode to choose. We watched this one, and I will never forget that.

I'm not into musicals, really, and I'm skeptical of musical episodes, but I think that's probably how it should be. Show is really, really, really good at giving me what I want (and also making me think that it hasn't--only to deliver bigger later, and in so doing reminding me that delayed gratification is a good thing!).

But what I think it might be even better at is showing me that whatever I'm afraid of is probably the best thing out there. And it'll probably be the thing that matters most.


I was never supposed to love you, SPN. But you've shown me how to love so many things I never thought I would. ♥

super subjective soapboxing about kudos and author's notes

Ridiculously minor things that bother me about fic posting:

1. kudos I hate them. XP AO3, you're so pretty, and you can make ebooks, which is fab. But I hate kudos so much. And I can't figure out how to turn them off, like you can with the hit counter! I mean, getting them is nice--who doesn't love presents--and giving them is, well, quick, but I feel like they buy into this culture of accretion we've been wrestling with as Internet users. Like Facebook 'likes' and Tumblr (...hearts?), kudos, to me, are communication breakdown. They're alienation. They're the kind of thing that get people wanting to accrue little gold stars--as many as possible--and feel good about a number rather than an actual reaction, a conversation. And to me, the whole point of fic is conversation--from canon to writer and back again, piece and reader and back again, too. If actual conversation isn't happening, then... it's not really fandom, to me.

And you know, I've eavesdropped on pro-kudos conversations. I understand that if there's a language barrier, if you're shy, if you have a condition that makes typing difficult, then kudos are a way of speaking without words. I get that. And it does make me hesitant to be as anti-kudos as, in my heart of hearts, I really am. I don't know how to resolve that. But it's not like I run Facebook, or Tumblr, or AO3, so it's not like my opinion is going to destroy the system for other people! So that's all right.

But I still do not like the direction they're taking the Internet, and formative young minds, etc. /waves cane

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2. header comments and metacommentary I've yet to meet a single person who actually likes writing fic headers and summaries. They are awful. XP But for once I am not here to complain about how incomprehensible the process is!! Having had the displeasure of constructing a good many by this point, however, I think I've decided that I really don't like headers that get too narrative, and I also don't like it when author's notes are attached to the story.

And I say this as a person who has a tendency to either write unhelpfully sparse, entirely unappealing headers, or headers that get so over-narrated they just end up being kind of sarcastic and also unhelpful. XD And also as someone who CLEARLY loves fic talk and author's notes (both mine and others').

But it just... What I don't like is the idea of curating the reader's experience of a text, beyond what is necessary re: trigger and spoiler warnings. I guess like, when a header says "this fic is so sad/dark/scary" or something like that, hipster!Kalliel is just like, WHO ARE YOU TO PRE-SUPPOSE HOW I WILL TAKE THIS PIECE OF WORK INTO MY BEING. XP Same with "this is so dumb," etc. which yes, yes, and yes, I am so totally guilty of!!

In the same vein, some long narration about the process, inspiration, background, etc. for the piece, I feel like I can't help but read with that in mind, and read toward those notes (or, if they're at the end, compose my comment with respect to those notes), which is so claustrophobic, man. And I feel like it de-centers the work itself.

It just bothers me when all that stuff is sitting in the same place as the work. You don't want to slide into relying on your notes to tell your story for you, or to lose your own reaction to a piece in light of the author's. That lessens, rather than deepens, the conversation.

I mean, at the same time, those notes are wildly useful for me as a writer, and fascinating for me as a reader, and they are often the door to all kinds of great conversations. I'm not at all against notes as a concept! I just see them as needing their own space.

Of course, then you just end up with a bunch of stupid posts talking about other posts, haha. And that's an organizational/spammy nightmare, really.