May 12th, 2016

free fall

Very Boring

+ Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes. <333 I was miserable and cried a lot and then I got a weird amount of work done and went to dinner with a combination of PhD+circus friends, and that was really, really great. But what doesn't malai kofta solve, really.

+ Crystal and I deep-cleaned the house today. It looks absolutely no different, except I finally scrubbed all the salt out of the main entryway, but MAN DID THAT GROUT GET SCRUBBED, AND THOSE STOVE-EYES GET DETAILED.

+ 2x22 is a beautiful and precious thing. But do you ever do that thing where you watch Show from an outsider's perspective? (I do this all the time with my family, and mostly just think about how much they're not getting out of it because they're not completely nuts like us. Like, WHAT DO YOU MEAN 11x05 WASN'T THE BEST THING EVER; BUT THE VALENCES. THE EMOTIONAL UNDERTONES. THE SUBTLE IMPLICATIONS BACK TO S10. SAM WITH THE PERFUME SQUISHY. Not that they're doing anything wrong; it just can't be everything to them the way it is to, you know, us. XD) Let me tell you, from the perspective of a casual bystander, 2x22 is some crazy ridiculousness. But if you're in it, then it's unstoppable.

+ The same cannot be said of this fic I'm supposed to be writing, though. Its existence was pointless when I started it and over 20k in the only thing that's changed about that is how morose that makes me feel. Because now it's both really long AND really pointless. And no, it's not helpful to thing about fanfic not needing a point. I don't mean it doesn't have a thesis, or some grand thematic project. I mean it has no point. There is nothing lively, or emotionally interesting, or even id-fulfilling about it. It's just words on a page--except now there's a lot of them. :(

+ I'm gonna wait on 11x21, because I need to get this fic out of my life and I really don't need to risk any curve balls. IT IS ENOUGH OF A TRIAL AS IT IS. XP If I'm scarce it's because I'm trying to avoid spoiling myself. <3