September 29th, 2017

free fall

This is so beautiful.

So obviously I'd heard about our Hall H shenanigans and impromptu Kansas mini-concert at SDCC this year, but I hadn't seen any footage because, well, I don't usually watch con videos. But this one started auto-playing while I was reading an article about Wayward's newly-cast Latinx character, and it is so.


I need to find a way to get back into top SPN form before the premiere! But my problem is, I also need to get back into top fellowship-app and dissertation-writing form at the exact same time. Thus far I've basically just defaulted to doodling Pixar cars on my phone and rambling about semi-sentient automobile manufacturing plants using machine learning/deep neural networks to produce sapient cars.

Also, I started writing this post-12x23 fic back in May/June and I pulled it up for a read-through last night because I didn't want it to go the way of my post-11x23 fic (i.e. I didn't finish it before 12x01 aired, and therefore I never bothered to finish it). But HOLY GOD it is hot garbage!!! >.< Which sucks because I really liked (the idea of) the ending. Maybe I could scrap the whole thing and get to that ending another way, but I dunno. =____=;;

Here's a scene I thought was good, though!


Kelly goes up like no body should. A match or two, and she's ablaze.

Sam remembers being twelve, on his first hunt with a body count, and expecting it to happen like that. For the body to go up in flames like a ghost, or like their house. So fast no one could do anything about it. He remembers his father looking on as he lit match after match, and the body caught, and sputtered, and smoldered. Caught, sputtered, smoldered. Sam remembers John leaving after the first hour, and leaving Dean in his stead. He remembers Dean's look of deep discomfort: Dean hated having to stand back and let Sam flounder, let him fail. (Dean didn't mind the corpse.)

Some things cannot be taught, not really; they can only be suffered. You learn to burn bodies by first failing to burn bodies.

Kelly's body isn't like that. Sam didn't think burning bodies was one of those things--where one day it gets so natural, so easy, it detaches from its own materiality. It becomes as effortless as thought. (As effortless as snapping your finger and exploding a skull.)

Realistically, Sam still doesn't think it is. Whomever he and Dean burn next, it'll suck just as much as it always does.

But Kelly--

Lucifer's child used all of her. He was always going to use all of her.

Collapse )