March 22nd, 2018

creepy

thinking out loud about writing

Over the last month, I've been writing this fic, and it's now five times longer than I was originally aiming for, and will probably end up in the 20k range. (Which means LOL, apparently I am indeed capable of writing a Big Bang-length fic during Big Bang season, though this fic is not actually for that challenge.)

The reason it's gotten so long isn't because a whole lot actually happens, but because:

1) I don't want it to be driven by causalities (i.e. literally the definition of a plot). I want it to just kind of grow out. I feel like this is something I try to do all the time, but it never actually works, so I end up trying to cut the fic into some kind of shape. It's not working right now, but I'm always like, will this be the day? Will it actually work this time? If the narrator explicitly recognizes and ruminates on the lack of causality driving his life, is that narrative guidance/thematization, or is that just pedantic?

2) I want it to be a space where Sam and Dean can just sort of exist, and have conversations that serve no narrative purpose other than them getting to spend some time together. Conversations that are genuinely meaningless, except for the fact that they enjoyed them, more or less. (Even as they're like, super meaningless. Possibly to the point that no one can really enjoy them but them, because it's kinda like eavesdropping on people who are speaking on some shared register that no one else can understand.) Which sounds very appealing to me in theory, and which I enjoyed writing. But I don't know if I'll enjoy it on playback?? If you know what I mean?

I'm definitely at that point in the writing process where I'm reaaaaally not sure if this is going to work. Especially since Sam and Dean are having all kinds of emotions they don't really know how to deal with (or accurately identify), so it's all kind of whiplashy and "whoa wtf where's this coming from, my dude?" This is either the point of having a non-causal narrative, or it's the reason trying to make one work is not going to, uh. Work.

tl;dr Right now it feels like a complete hot mess and IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THAT. /O\

Things I am enjoying, though:

1) Writing these super pointless non sequitur conversations. I know you're "supposed" to pare dialogue down to just the punchy, articulate parts, but I adore doing the exact opposite of that.

2) Writing all the "plot" parts really short and beside the point and writing all the B roll really long, ahaha. Oh, the case Sam worked in two sentences? And then Sam buying Lifesavers and a protein bar at CVS afterward, for two pages? SOUNDS LEGIT.