I think I might have been more irritated by all the gas I wasted doing this, were it not for the extreme abundance of Supernatural references populating Silicon Valley!
In any case, maybe it was the proximity of institutions of higher learning, but I ended up having a very serious talk with myself about what I'm doing with my life, what I aspire to be doing with my life, what I need to be doing with my life, etc. I'm apparently ~known in my department back at uni, I have an extremely engaging internship for the summer, and I will be studying in St. Petersburg this coming fall; and I do recognize that that's some pretty cool shit, and I am thankful for all these opportunities. But at the same time, I never feel like I am tapping into my full potential, or being everything I can be, or whatever. Like, I work hard, and I have been graced with lots of opportunities, but I never feel like I'm working my hardest, or being as disciplined with myself as I should be.
I think it's a bit harder here; the local library is too loud, because for some reason the entire city lives there. And me, I'm living out of a duffel bag on a very small couch in my sisters' room (which makes it a miracle that I manage business casual every day, seriously), so I don't have any nice zen space at home, either. But I'm taking the GRE in less than a month, and the Subject Test in Literature in October, and sending in graduate school applications TO SCHOOLS I HAVE NOT YET CHOSEN, WITH A WRITING SAMPLE I DO NOT HAVE, AND A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE THAT IS SIMILARLY NON-EXISTENT, so I really, really need to get my act together and pick up where I left off in June. Or May. Or April. Or, you know, whenever it was I looked at any of this last.
I'm hoping that writing this out will make me feel a little more accountable, in the same way that accidental!Stanford did (lollll it looms, okay. It looks like a palm-tree clad monastery). I did read through a bunch of GRE practice questions today, and found more in the library's e-books, so it's a start. The mathematics seems too easy, but the reading comprehension felt really difficult! And the writing, too. ;_____________; I realize I'm probably doing it wrong, given what I want to study, but there you go. I really wish I'd learned to read.
On the upside, it's 60F (15C) right now, and I approve. Also, spn_summergen is in its second week of posting and is totally rocking my world. Recs to come!
How are you all doing? :D