Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,
Kalliel
kalliel

Stanford/Winchester/Campbell Roadtrip

I got lost in the South Bay today and ended up at Stanford University. I'd been admiring the lovely highway (Stanford calls itself "The Farm," and despite Palo Alto's general cosmopolitan affluence, part of the old scenery is still there) when I realized I was going north, instead of the south I wanted. /O\ Then I drove past the Winchester Mystery House, the Winchester Shopping Center, N and S Winchester Roads, and eventually ended up in Campbell--where I was actually headed in the first place.

I think I might have been more irritated by all the gas I wasted doing this, were it not for the extreme abundance of Supernatural references populating Silicon Valley!

In any case, maybe it was the proximity of institutions of higher learning, but I ended up having a very serious talk with myself about what I'm doing with my life, what I aspire to be doing with my life, what I need to be doing with my life, etc. I'm apparently ~known in my department back at uni, I have an extremely engaging internship for the summer, and I will be studying in St. Petersburg this coming fall; and I do recognize that that's some pretty cool shit, and I am thankful for all these opportunities. But at the same time, I never feel like I am tapping into my full potential, or being everything I can be, or whatever. Like, I work hard, and I have been graced with lots of opportunities, but I never feel like I'm working my hardest, or being as disciplined with myself as I should be.

I think it's a bit harder here; the local library is too loud, because for some reason the entire city lives there. And me, I'm living out of a duffel bag on a very small couch in my sisters' room (which makes it a miracle that I manage business casual every day, seriously), so I don't have any nice zen space at home, either. But I'm taking the GRE in less than a month, and the Subject Test in Literature in October, and sending in graduate school applications TO SCHOOLS I HAVE NOT YET CHOSEN, WITH A WRITING SAMPLE I DO NOT HAVE, AND A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE THAT IS SIMILARLY NON-EXISTENT, so I really, really need to get my act together and pick up where I left off in June. Or May. Or April. Or, you know, whenever it was I looked at any of this last.

I'm hoping that writing this out will make me feel a little more accountable, in the same way that accidental!Stanford did (lollll it looms, okay. It looks like a palm-tree clad monastery). I did read through a bunch of GRE practice questions today, and found more in the library's e-books, so it's a start. The mathematics seems too easy, but the reading comprehension felt really difficult! And the writing, too. ;_____________; I realize I'm probably doing it wrong, given what I want to study, but there you go. I really wish I'd learned to read.

On the upside, it's 60F (15C) right now, and I approve. Also, spn_summergen is in its second week of posting and is totally rocking my world. Recs to come!

How are you all doing? :D
Tags: academia, fandom: spn, mistaking reality for spn again, salt being a spirit deterrent, trufax, wwdd: what would diesel do?
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