And then a day figuring out how to make my fixes make sense.
And then a day trying to figure out how to make myself interested enough in the premise to write it, all over again. I think I have the Dean/Cas stuff to my taste, though if I think too hard about it I get nervous about the acceptability of Castiel's characterization, because I don't really do Castiel, I don't really know how to do Castiel, etc.
I'm still working out the Sam/Dean stuff; I think I have it a little more figured out as of last night--that is, to the point where I am actually interested in their interactions in this fic--but what it really comes down to is, Dean needs to carry this fic and I don't like Dean in this fic. He's not Dean to me. I think that's the part that upsets me most because fuck you Dean I hate you.
Which is great and all, to see and realize that. Buuuut it's only helpful if I can fix it in the next few days. :S
I think what I need to do is just calm down and write whatever will be written, and accept that if this story doesn't do what I want it to do, if the pacing is off or the plot is nonsensical, or the idea is convoluted, or the characterization doesn't ring the way I think it's supposed to sound...
IT WILL BE OKAY.
There will be more stories.
Which is kind of a defeatest mentality, since I should be ~striving to write something I am proud of or whatever, but I also think there are times where that doesn't happen, and will not happen. And that should be okay too. I guess. :\
I just need words on the page that aren't doing the diametric opposite of what I want them to do. Even if they're not actually doing what I want them to do, either.
Also, the S2 finale of Homeland was amazing. AMAZING.
