Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,
Kalliel
kalliel

SPN S8 Top 10 #9: Dean and Charlie in 8x20 "Pac Man Fever"

If a hoodie_time is on, I can't do anything else. I just, literally, can't! Serious tunnel vision. @_@ I apologize for being a not-commenting/e-mailing-back disaster! I've noticed that if I'm writing, I'm writing and that is all I am doing; there's just no room for anything else. Like, even for eating. And stuff. And it's just so much worse when there's meme-overseeing to do, as well. XD

On the upside, the whole thing has basically functioned as a kind of writing retreat, manifesting all kinds of strange, free things. Both the prose and ideas are, uh, raw, but also unfettered and I've actually managed some pieces I'd like to polish a bit at post outside of meme, so that's cool! For whatever reason, I keep sitting down to write these charming prompts and ending up with exceedingly mythology-heavy doomsday scenarios. For an ebola prompt I wrote about a Heavenly marburgvirus that ended up folding into a bunch of S5 Apocalypse stuff that ultimately (re)mobilizes Sam's arc at the end of S5, and then like, for a fever prompt mountaineering!misanthrope!Bobby ends up leading Dean through Heaven post-8x23 for Plot Reasons, and there's a bunch of fraught Bobby/parenting OTP feels. And I did some shorter anon stuff that involved priests taking confession and needle-related hell imagery and early!season!Dean, who is sometime sorta fun to play with.

AND ALSO BEEKEEPER!DEAN. Like, you don't understand, beekeeper!Dean has been a bulletproof kink of mine since 2010 and there was finally some invitation to write him! I don't know why I enjoy beekeeper!Dean so much, because there's no real... connection with that? XP (Though my Insect Ecology TAs were named Meg and Jess.) He makes me so happy please direct me to all bee-related prompts, uWu.

Anyway, weirdly fantastical, plot-heavy finale scenarios dominated the weekend, which is weird because I don't...think I tend to write that normally? I also kind of feel like I'm writing unnecessarily involved fills that barely follow the original prompts. It's fun, though? XP

BUT THE REAL OBJECT OF THIS POST. My SPN S8 Top 10 #9 is Dean and Charlie's last few scenes in 8x20 "Pac Man Fever." I feel like I've blathered on long enough already, so I'll try to be concise and evocative.

Charlie has to let go of her mother. Of the guilt, of her sense of responsibility--even, of the hope that she'll wake up. She has to let her go. And it's Dean who tells her this, which, while not unexpected, necessarily, isn't something you get a lot of from Dean in practice. He doesn't let go; he never lets go. Even in this episode, after Charlie begins to live in life as she learned in her dream world, she asks Dean about his own plans, and he's just like "Neverrr!" It's kind of a joke and it's kind of not, and you question what Dean even means by that. Because here Charlie is, accepting her mother's death, moving on, pushing forward. And here Dean is...refusing? (And in so doing, knowingly and demonstratively failing to follow what he knows is right?)

Yes... and no. Given past canon, it's impossible to see the parallels between Charlie and her mother, and Dean and Sam--Dean scooping Sam back from death, from Hell, time and time again, no matter what the cost. But it's also not a perfect parallel, nor is it meant to be. Because it's not about Dean letting Sam sacrifice himself (not this time--See "S5")/dying, no matter how hard it is to divest oneself of those thoughts. I think the closeness of that, the push of that, is the result of Show's searingly Dean POV in this episode. Even though what the narrative of this episode comes down to is Dean really placing his faith in Sam, supporting him, letting him take point on this, and really working for that equal ground they've been stumbling in and out of for years, a huge part of what makes that so fucking hard is fear, and fear of death. Which, given the Winchesters' track record and the nature of their daily activities, is not exactly an irrational fear. But it's coming from a place of old guilt and responsibility and paranoia and trauma that Charlie resolves to leave, and Dean isn't sure he can.

Tags: beekeeper!dean, don't you cry no more, fandom: spn, spn s8 top 10, writing
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