Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,

Я очень скучаю по жизни в СПб.

I've been having incredible bouts of homesickness for a country I will never return to. And I feel stupid because I lived there very briefly and very terminally. But in many ways it's for the fact that it was such a compressed amount of time that I know that even if some day in the far-flung future I somehow get a visa and somehow end up back there it will not be that same country, it will have none of the faces or ubiquities so integral to my perception of it. You can't take a picture of this; it's already gone.

One of the people who got me there in the first place recently lost her father, and she's been posting a lot of photos of him--he gained his US citizenship and moved from Ukraine to San Diego earlier this year, and she, like me, has since moved from California back East; so she was with him, in this country, yet still unable to be with him--and it's just been really sad. I only met him once, but he was the real deal.

Today this woman instead posted a picture of her husband reading a book, and expressed how impressed she was by this situation, and said that she'd decided there were benefits to having left San Diego after all, because now that he can't go surfing her husband has taken up new hobbies that are more in line with her own. (Of course, he was reading Star Wars: Han Solo Stories, which isn't exactly Ukranian literature, is it. XD)

Someone suggested she give him 50 Shades of Gray and she was just like, "You mean the real thing, or just the book version?"

Cue me crying with how PAINFULLY NOSTALGIC my memory of this amazing woman and her role in my life is, and also crying with hilarity. It's a confusing thing, laughter across many registers. Oh, happy-sad tears, you strange invention, you.

I guess what this means for me is that I should find my 50 Shades, and figure out why today is worth bidding an increasingly distant farewell to this day, one year ago. But you know, it's not even like today sucks, or that this-period-of-my-life-one-year-ago was so great; a huge portion of said period was actually pretty dismal. XD But that can be said of all great things.

Tags: don't you cry no more, pics or it didn't happen, winter is beautiful

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