Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,
Kalliel
kalliel

just talking to myself again - keep scrolling

[how I feel right now]DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN

[how I felt yesterday]DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN horizontal Sam DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN Meg DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN

[and the day before that (and that and that)]DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN

[how I am likely to feel tomorrow]DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN

YOU WANTED TO KNOW HOW I WAS FEELING. WELL, THAT'S IT. --2x04 HOW I FEEL. THIS INSIDE ME. I WISH I COULDN'T FEEL A DAMN THING. --4x10 Okay, stopping now.

And anyway, that last one is a lie. Because this is kind of marvelous, if wildly distracting. If any of you are viewing this post on mobile, apologies. That probably looks ridiculous. If any of you are viewing this post on a computer, apologies, it is probably still ridiculous. But I have so many feelings I have no idea where to channel them all---!

I want to put them in a fic, but these feelings do not particularly apply to any of my fandomaid fics; they do apply to BB, which I really should be working on, but our relationship is Complicated. XP

There's a fic that I tried to write in 2010, and then tried to write in 2011, and then tried to write in March, and now am trying to write again, but I can't figure out how to structure it at all. There's too many pieces and I just feel like there isn't a good order for them.

On the other hand, I'm glad I waited, because what it's based off of in canon is even stronger now than it was in 2010, and I'm a lot more confident in my ability to pull off the conceit, I guess? Up to a certain point. I know I can write it, which I wasn't sure about initially. But I'm not sure if that means it will actually work. XD IF I CAN EVER FIGURE OUT HOW TO WRITE THE FRAME FOR IT, ARGH. /O\

On a less 'yup still just talking to myself' note, have you ever gone through your fic notes/ideas from some time ago, read something you'd proposed to yourself, and just thought, 'Oh [character], there is no possible way I could ever do this do you. Not anymore"?
Tags: fandom: spn, i can't watch tv like a normal person, i use lj the way other people use tumblr, salt being a spirit deterrent, writing
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