Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,


placeholder for gathering my own thoughts / record for posterity

Apparently LJ's new layout doesn't find my singular LJ "interest" legitimate enough to display anymore. XD As I believe this interest was something along the lines of "obvious unrepentant Dean!girl" I just wanted to stick my tongue out at LJ for a moment and say that my dominant frame of mind when it comes to Dean is probably fear--afraid of/afraid for. In the sense that I've never been quite sure what he might do (to others, to himself) or whether he knew what he was doing, or whether he thought it was right, or whether he knew it wasn't. (Whereas with Sam I've always been comfortable knowing that at the very least, Sam knows what he's doing and he thinks it is right [or worth it]. Maybe it is, maybe it's not, but at the very least Sam thinks it is, and acts accordingly. This is my relationship to Sam, in any case.) But Dean has probably always been the scariest thing in SPN for me. Certainly in terms of the seasons I watched live, S5 onward, since those engage me much more actively than the seasons previous.

Up until now, that is; Dean, up until now. Which may seem counterintuitive, given that there is magical shit going down in Deanland in present canon. Of course I'm of the camp that doesn't believe there ever wasn't shit going down in Deanland and my reading of the mytharc4dean people is complicated but-- Anyway, right now I'm pretty sure I know what Dean can do, and that he knows exactly what he's doing; he cannot surprise me. And I am no flavor of afraid. I am--DARE I SAY--"calm."*

*which, granted, in the Winchester vernacular obtains inflections similar to the Winchesterized "fine" and "normal." While not antonyms of their dictionary meaning they're not exactly synonymous, either.

But I am calm. And I am ready. Now, I shall go curl up with 9x22. And then 9x23, at a woefully later date! Bring it!

edit: With the exception of the very questionable use of slow-mo and Tessa's questionable intelligence/allegiance here (when did she start giving shits about anyone besides Death himself?) I loved everything about this. Even angels talking to angels (especially angels talking to angels???). MORE UPON REWATCH because I have to go to bed and wake up early to get on yet another goddamn bus but aiii. <333 Also, side-eye!Gadreel is my new favorite Gadreel.

Tags: fandom: spn, i can't watch tv like a normal person

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