Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,

DeanDeanDeanDeanDeanDeanDean -- er, I mean "For A.M." by Jason Novak

Funny story, last Tuesday I was in Japan and everything was a whirlwind and I didn't actually know what day it was, or entirely where I was, and up until that point I hadn't really been thinking about Supernatural at all because there were so many other things to think about. And I missed (and am still missing!) the finale, didn't even really have a May 20th because I lost most of it to timezone shift. But then, last Tuesday, the 27th, I woke up and all day I was just like SPN SPN SPN. SPN SPN SPN. SPN SPN SPN!!!! SPN SPN SPN??

And I thought, ah. It must be Tuesday.


Anyway, beyond my adamant mental hamster wheel there was a distinct lack of available SPN in my life at the time, so I wanted to share with you now some "non-SPN non fiction that I have unrepentantly and very strongly interpellated into my SPN world--sorry not sorry, real world." This one of my favorite pieces of writing bar none, an it has the dual honor of also being my favorite Dean-fanfic-that-really-isn't-a-Dean-fanfic, in the sense that it's deeply affecting and also integral to my interpretation of Dean. The only thing I'd massage is the original's emphasis on the parent-child dichotomy which, while also important re: Dean, requires further elaboration given that Dean is now also an adult. Since the day this was published--which admittedly was only just over a year ago--it's been Dean for me, or Dean has been it, or something. If you asked me, hey, so who's this Dean Winchester guy you're always on about? this is the thing I'd pull up.

I've copied the full text below the cut for accessibility, because the original is 100% images, but please to check out the outgoing link if you can--there are illustrations and whitespace that you shouldn't miss if you don't have to.

For A.M. by Jason Novak

When you're just a kid, you don't realize how big the world is outside of you. Your parents were adults, even when you were born. They'd already lived a life. Their view is wide... But they still can't see everything. For a long time, they have to live two lives. The one of an adult, and the one of a child. As you become an adult, they lose control of some of your decisions. Even if you didn't ask for it, you have to start living your own life. And life can be really frightening. Everyone is scared of life sometimes.

Sometimes life is just so frightening that you can't see the big world your parents see. And the small world you know becomes terribly upsetting.

And impossible.

And you go somewhere you didn't mean to.

And it can't be undone.

It changes your world. But it also changes a world you never knew about. And you burn in more hearts than you could ever have imagined.

And you will burn in more hearts for another lifetime.

For A.M. 1996-2013.

D; ♥

And also, <33333333333333333.

My functionally similar piece for Sam is an excerpt from Janet Kaufman's Rot, though moreso for early seasons than later ones. And my piece for Sam and Dean is an excerpt from Chelsea Martin's Even Though I Don't Miss You, which contains this gem:

You and I were turning into the same person and growing apart simultaneously, which felt like finally getting the one thing I always wanted, which was learning not to want that particular thing.

AUGH. <3 D;

Do you have similar pieces for your favorite characters/fandoms? Any recs? :D

And because I'm doing REALLY WELL ON THE SPOILERS THING RN and being really, really controlled about not peeking at Tumblr, or Twitter, or especially LJ, I still haven't seen 9x23 please no spoilers! Thaaaank you. Hey, you can't be too careful, man. XD caranfindel knows the perils of even the seemingly hallowed grounds of Pinterest!

Tags: fandom recs, fandom: spn, i can't watch tv like a normal person, mistaking reality for spn again, spn s9 reviews

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