Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,

centering activity 3/4/15

This isn't actually meant to be read. I just wrote it, as the title suggests, as a centering activity and an attempt to feel both less overwhelmed and more invested in my life. It's posted here so I can practice posting here again. Because apparently that's a thing that requires practice. XP Good grief.

I do best when I can give complex things my singular attention. When faced with many tasks I must keep in mind or attend to, I tend to flatline emotionally and motivationally. The problem is, life isn't just one thing, but many, and I think I'm cutting out all the wrong things and jumping into too many new pools whenever I perceive more time to do so. I need to figure out what I'm going to go deep with an accept that for everything else, you just can't know it all.

I think there's this surface film of things I don't know but somehow keep abreast of by default of sociality, though. And there are many things I file away that take away from time that could be spent otherwise. I don't know or really care about anything that has to do with movies, TV that's not my TV, or music, yet somehow I still know the Top 40 and more about Beyonce than I have need or interest in. I know more about all the superhero movies and whatnot, and the popular TV than my father does--but I think I'd rather aspire to my father's lack of attention to those things; I'm not sure how he does it, except that he's not immersed in the interests of all my friends, who are mostly middle-aged and under and female. I don't think I'd mind losing this cultural literacy if I could put it toward other things.

Of course, the problem with going deep into something also means that you have to accept that there's no such thing as mastery. There's just an ever-increasing number of specializations within each specialization, which honestly I think most people handle by just not thinking about it too hard and accepting all of this naturally. Unfortunately, I'm not those people. There's too much knowledge in the world, and looking for it probably does more to show you all the emptinesses in your own than help you get anywhere. Think sand dunes, with the grains hot to burning and slipping under your feet.

And I think part of it isn't even about knowledge per se (though that's what's been on my mind, as I've been trying to compile my prelims lists), but focus and love. I don't feel like I'm really doing something unless I commit 100% and Go Big. But you just can't do that if you also want to live a balanced life, or a realistically complex one. You have to pick your battles (particularly as you enter a stage of your life where you know you want SOs and children and pets in your future).

The things I want to know:
* family/friends -- KIT
* academia (too big a topic to even begin to arrange into a viable number of sub-topics right now--here's the macro rundown)
--fisheries news/water resource nes
--environment news
--environmental law
--Native stuff
--APIA stuff
--American West
--professionalization/the academy
--not sucking at writing
--CV cultivation, tbh
--the lit mag scene
* circus -- as practice, discourse/history, my actual practice, stretching/conditioning
* homestead stuff -- tiny houses, Habitat, DIY, cooking (science-logic status), beekeeping/bees
* SPN -- LJ fandom, writing fanfic, reading fanfic

Other things I pay attention to but should probably spend less time on:
* grocery circulars, product pricing
* local weather
* all that shit on RSS
* Anna Akana (vids+Podcast)
* Last Week Tonight <--apparently all the current events I'm ever going to get that aren't on social media
* Law & Order: SVU, The Mindy Project, Fresh Off the Boat <--drop SVU & Mindy?
* Maybe actually use receipts to start a log of pricing on items instead of relying on memory, sale pricings, etc., so that it 1) stimulates accountability, and 2) frees up some focus

Things I should pay less attention to:
* movies, TV & music that aren't mine
* gossip & shit
* stop checking Facebook and Twitter so often; I know it's spring break, but it's such a gross habit
* I shouldn't try to master every single thing that I see or click on--that's the curse of the Internet. If I want a moisturizer or a beauty routine, just go the old fashioned route and stick with trial and error. Just because the information is out there doesn't mean you necessarily need to partake of it (the smartphone dilemma--and I don't even have a smartphone).

Things I'll need to know about eventually:
soon eventually:
* travel info/travel health info
* South Africa [environmental history, general country info, map/itinerary, apartheid, confluence of cultures]

the far eventually:
* dog care/training/breeds
* car ownership

Things that I need to get out of the way tomorrow:
* some housecleaning/organization
* call H4H, GA
* laundromat
* notes/outline thinkpiece
* preliminary research for 619 prospectus
* organize AAAS paper
* organize ASLE paper
* organize 799 papers
* clean up current prelims lists -- keep looking up Native list?
* start reading La Frontera
* eat
* circus routine timing rundown/brainstorm
* 3-8pm routine
* 8pm spnspiration stuff

Eventual groceries:
* eggs
* walnuts
* eggplant
* keep looking for pasteurized eggs

Tags: wwdd: what would diesel do?

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