Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,

What I meant to post yesterday instead of what I actually posted, lolz

RL: Still reading for prelims and planning my course. REFUSING to read any more post-apoc fiction (praise be!). Headed to NYC to visit a friend at the end of the week, and from there to Japan via LA, with old friends from San Diego. So the reunions should be fun. <3 Also falling deep in love with trapeze, which I started training in earnest two months ago, in addition to silk. I'm proud of all my trapeze bruises. My dad sailed up the coast of California from San Diego to Monterey Bay this past week, which is the coolest thing ever, and his email updates were fantastic. I'm still trying to learn life balance. Not succeeding yet, but maybe soon. I have faith!

Fandom: Did gishwheS. Very proud of all my teammates. <3

Writing-wise, am working on the same things I have been--the fandomaid fic (which one day I will actually finish; it's apparently interested in taking the long way around) and the Book of the Damned longfic I keep fretting about.

I actually finished all of Dean's chapters a few weeks ago; we were braintwinning an emotional wavelength so the writing actually went pretty easy, haha. XDD I was having one of those weeks where I was like, if you take a step back and look at yourself you can tell you're being completely insufferable. And then you're like, man, I GUESS I SHOULD KEEP DOING THIS because maybe if I'm insufferable enough then everyone will leave me and I won't have to worry about them leaving anymore, or me hurting them. Because that makes sense... Anyway! I personally find Dean very sufferable, so writing to that zone was cathartic, because I love Dean and self-love is an easier stepping stone to reach from via that pathway.

I don't know if anyone else will be able to stand the fic, though, because I have a very high tolerance for terrible and insufferable. Whoops.

Sam's chapters are posing more of a challenge, which is a critical thing because he's been tasked with all the prime real estate--first chapter, climax chapter, etc. I'm still not sure what he's there for, personally. Like, plot-wise, I know what he's going to be doing, and vis a vis Dean and Charlie, I know where he's at, but I haven't quite found what this fic is going to be doing for Sam re: Sam; I just know that I don't want to go forward with the story if there isn't something valuable here for Sam re: Sam.

So I opened up a new doc for a completely different story to try and suss that out--this being the story I mentioned yesterday that I'd mentioned as "cute and funny"--and lol, well, on the upside Sam made it abundantly clear what the fic was meant for, as far as Sam re: Sam went. It just didn't jibe well with this plan I had for something cute and funny. And when I tried to force it in that direction, it just turned into troll!fic and I think I need to excise because it's just... not. Tonally appropriate. XP

Come Thursday, I'll be traveling for a while, so I won't be writing, but I think what I need to do when I get back is just bang out some low-stakes flash fiction--stuff with an upper word limit, a time limit, and none of this overbearing and overcomplicated ridiculousness backstage.

No waffling, no overanalyzing, no forcing. Just going hard and owning whatever happens.
Tags: fandom: spn, insufferability is plan a, sam!kinks, trufax, writing

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