Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,

Bleh (misc. life rambling).

I want J curry in my tummy, but I didn't buy veg to put in it because I thought I'd be tired of Japanese food. :( As if that were ever true. I'm still ridiculously jetlagged, in that I can't seem to wake up any later than 3:30am and I have Urgent Need of a Nap at like 3:30pm. I keep trying to stay up later so I'll wake up later, and do things like go for a run whenever I want a nap, but guh. Maybe I should just stay on this schedule. XD The only real problem with it, I suppose, is that I really want to access my course roster and THE WEBSITE IS DOWN FOR REGULAR MAINTENANCE, because who needs their course roster between 4 and 6am, right?? /O\

Other than that, life feels kind of sludgy, I guess? I'm not looking forward to the interminability of this prelims thing, because it sort of feels like you're never off the clock, you know? Like, if you schedule in relaxation time, you can't actually do it. Not that academia ever feels any different, I suppose, but my screwedness for this exam makes that more keenly felt.

I want to look forward to winter break (and aim to have this prelims thing done by December, so I can HAVE that winter break, haha), but even that isn't really the pearliest of horizons, because I keep thinking about how hard that's going to be without Lily. So we've sort of come full circle on that "cry everyday" thing we started 2015 with, on that front.

And are any of you familiar with Disney's Tangled? This song pretty adequately describes my relationship to fandom at this moment:

"When Will My Life Begin?" here meaning "When Will I Fall Hopelessly and Urgently Back in Love with My Fandom Again?" XD 'Cause I hit the pause button on that, and while weaning yourself off fandom is hard, getting back into it is kind of hard, too. I know it will definitely happen, but I am just. SO. IMPATIENT. Life is so pointlessly empty without my love of SPN. :(

I also miss circus with a burning passion, which hopefully will ache less once I actually go to all of the circus today (and tomorrow, and Tuesday, and Thursday). I skipped last Thursday because 1) omg, I'd just spent 36 hours on planes and in airports, and 2) I had work to do, but I think that was a poor choice because Friday and Saturday without it were painful!

tl;dr work is bland, I'm impatient for my body to accept this timezone and for my heart to take SPN back, and everything just feels blah right now. And it's 6am and I've been up for hours and I'm STARVING for food I can't quite make right now. Sigh.
Tags: academia, don't you cry no more, fandom: spn, timetimetime, wwdd: what would diesel do?

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