Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,

It's never too late.

Man, you know what really upsets me? I just finished 5x22 "Swan Song," so I went back to see what I'd written about it the first time around, and GDI THE ONE COMMENT I RECEIVED ON THAT POST WAS SOMEONE RAILING AT ME ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY HATED IT. XP Negativity, always.

I don't know that I like Swan Song. I could make a long list of things I don't like about Swan Song if I wanted to. I mean, I suppose. But it's probably one of my most important episodes of television I have ever seen, and that means so more to me. It took me a month and a half to write anything for SPN after I watched it for the first time, because its sense of finality was so strong. As someone who writes fan fiction, I have a hard time feeling finality, because I know I can write whatever I want, at whatever point in the timeline, whenever I want. But Swan Song--I seriously just could not shake this feeling that for Sam and Dean there was no retreating into the past, there was no future--there was this. There was Sam in the Cage and Dean without him. No escape. Like, I cannot stress how definite that felt, and how rare that is, at least for me. And I value that so much. There's just absolutely nothing like 5x22, as far as I'm concerned.

The scene that always gets me: Dean driving alone after Castiel has gone, and asking Lisa if he can take her up on that beer. Just, oh my god. And oh my god, Lisa. Lisa Lisa Lisa. <3 (Lisa, who terrifies her family every time she takes in strange strangers like that--because Dean wasn't the first and now he won't be the last.)

Also, the strain in Sam's voice when Cas realizes he's supposed to offer reassurance, not truth, and he tells Sam that Sure, everything's going to be okay, and Sam says, Please stop talking. D;


Also, I just spent an hour trying to track down a gifset I couldn't find. :( But it was a gif of Lisa's face every time Dean showed up at her door, like


I scoured my old Tumblr but it was not to be. I did find a graphic I made for a minor SPN character that I DO NOT EVEN REMEMBER, though.

Who makes a graphic for a character they're not going to remember three years later???? (AKA the only things I remember about S8 are apparently how much I love Amelia and how much I love 8x23.)
Tags: fandom: spn, i can't watch tv like a normal person, these things matter

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