I ♥ STILL ♥ LOVE ♥ AMELIA ♥ RICHARDSON. ♥
I also understand Dean's rage here. His scene listening to all of Kevin's messages on the phone, and then the amped up ambient noise in that motel room? I love it so much.
This is one of my favorite shots in all of SPN because man, you can feel that motel. You can feel the temperature--the pavement's still hot even though the sun has set and the air is cooling. It's a touch humid. You're sweating and yet you're halfway to a shiver. It's that kind of witching hour. I love the sick orange tinge to the sky, urban light pollution such that this highway wasn't known true darkness, pure darkness, in decades. You pull around the back and the doors open into the backlot--sign facing outward, reading backwards--because the highway's right there. It's right there.
I love how deeply awkward and stilted all Sam and Dean's convos are, except for the ones where they're not talking about anything at all. I love how many shots there are of Sam observing, Sam watching, even as anything he says doesn't help at all. He understands more than he's able to say and he just can't do it. He can't do it.
I love how forthcoming Sam is about Amelia and not hunting yet is silent about any of the context that would have made that make sense. Maybe he knows that he will never make it make sense--not to Dean. Maybe not even to himself. He can't talk about that feeling, what led him there, even as it ghosts everything he does and says in this ep.
I love that Dean does the opposite; he's scarily forthcoming about his feeling, the hurt, the trauma. The jaggedness of Purgatory feeling pure. Even enjoyable. Which he has to know sounds fucked but it's also definitely the only thing that got him through so how can Sam speak against that, huh? And Sam can see it, all of that, written on Dean's body, so there's no point in leaving it out. But he doesn't say jack shit about Benny.
From the looks of it, Dean doesn't even call Sam until he's hitched from Maine all the way to Louisiana. Maybe he tried a couple phones, but he clearly wasn't trying that hard if he stopped before he got an answer. He didn't ask a ride with Sam to Louisiana. Clayton and Kermit are 11 hours from each other yet they still both drove up to almost-Canada northern MONTANA to reunite. That's how much Dean doesn't want to say jack shit about Benny.
Put together, by the end of their first days back together, Sam and Dean have one whole story. Usually that's good enough, since they're together; it's the Sam and Dean story. Barring their very different experiences of all events, there's at least a concrete commonality there. Unfortunately, a story about how it felt to be in Purgatory coupled with the concrete details of what went down in Kermit, TX, doesn't to either of them any good. There's no weaving those. So they don't really have one story; just two halves. (And as we will learn from shattered tablets over the course of the rest of the season, halves are only as good as none.)