Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,
Kalliel
kalliel

Love

My god, I love Supernatural so, so much. SO MUCH. I meant to just check file integrity this morning, but as usual this led to me watching all of 14x17 and then going back and watching all of 14x16 (because this is apparently how I watch SPN now. In couplet inversions. 14x15 and then 14x14 and then 14x17 and then 14x16...) and thinking about and luxuriating in both for hours after the fact. And just, at like random points in the day being reminded of SPN and getting that flutter of affection in your heart that bleeds into your step and your eyes and everything just seems a little bit greater. I love Sam and Dean and their little tics and the visual language of these characters, and of the show itself. I love its meditated rhymes and repetitions and its oblique intuitions and its "idk Bobby just peaced out somewhere no one cares so no one cares!!" I love that Sam and Dean have had literally the same conversation about the dark and whether people should know what's out there THEIR ENTIRE LIVES and have at this point essentially agreed that their stance on the matter is situational, arbitrary, and largely whatever lie is most convenient, even when they decide to tell the truth. (A sentence that doesn't make senes but absolutely does, between them.) I just love. Everything. Particular minute moments (Dean jerking upward and turning away in that second to last scene omg) and nothing at all--just the general spirit of it. Its presence. Supernatural is a gift and a friend and I absolutely treasure it. <33333333

As for S15 being our final, I dunno. I'm unbothered by that? Maybe I'll feel differently once the last episode comes, but I feel secure in my relationship with SPN. I'm finally spending my time with each episode in exactly the way I wish to be spending it, and feeling very fulfilled in my relationship to Show and to Sam and to Dean. It just feels like--this is what I want, and there are no voids here. It's kinda funny, because choosing to leave fandom really felt awful. But this? Just feels like an assurance that oh hey, eternity is real. And it feels like this, right here.
Tags: fandom: spn, goodness, i can't watch tv like a normal person, wow i actually don't have a tag for this, yum cups
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