Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,

Yes, I do remember posting about how I rly shouldn't be writing fic but that's all I wanted to do.

When I decided to do a tag for each episode of S15, my notion was that they'd all be in the 500-700 word range. Which worked for the first three, which were just Sam quietly ruminating by himself, and then Castiel doing the same, and Rowena. But then starting with the 15x04 tag it was Sam and Dean in the same fic together, and it ballooned a bit, because that's just their nature. Now I'm on 15x06 and this dumb fic is like 1/5 done and 3500 words, has almost nothing to do with the episode, and has mega-ballooned into something I'm beginning to accept is too complicated for me to actually be able to write well. I'd break it out into its own fic separate from the tag series, but it's part of the arc of the last two tags (yet probably unrelated to the first three tags) so it kind of has to stay?? We're in too deep to change course now. IS THIS WHAT WRITING A SEASON OF SUPERNATURAL FEELS LIKE.

I always have this problem when I approach this particular trope, because I'm never sure what I want to say or how I want to say it. And this fic is Sam POV, and I'm pretty sure Sam has even less of an idea of what he wants to say or how he wants to say it than I do, so that just compounds the issue manyfold. It's one of those fics where like... Sam's just talking around an issue. And I think that's right, like. It makes sense for him to approach the subject elliptically. But I think that runs the risk of just being confusing and boring, because no one will be able to tell wtf Sam is talking about. But on the other hand, if it gets too straightforward, then it's just cheap and I dunno. Not right, either. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M BEING SO VAGUE AND ELLIPTICAL HERE. What am I worried about?? LOL. My own deep shame and self-consciousness, really.

This tag would certainly be shorter and more tag-like if I knew what I was doing. Or at the very least, if Sam did.
Tags: we don't have time for your blah blah bl, writing

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