Kalliel (kalliel) wrote,

we don't have time for your blah blah blah

I still have no idea how I'm going to feel after I watch the finale. I don't be tonight, because I still have 15x18 and 18x19 to do, and am not feeling compelled to rush them just for the sake of the CW's airtime calendar. I'm still sitting with 15x17--and while I know I can always come back, I also feel pretty good about letting it fill its space.

My only concern about my viewing pace vs. the rest of the world's is spoilers. Under normal circumstances avoiding spoilers isn't generally too bad, but the stakes are higher in this case, obviously, and random people I know keep popping out of the woodwork to weigh in on a show that is suddenly semi-relevant to them. People I know who haven't watched since S12 included me in a group text about a 15x18 spoiler that, the way it was phrased, sounded so stupid I was certain my read of the ep was probably going to be very different from wherever they were getting their info. XPP ANYWAY I'm not sure if I should hurry my ass up and watch 18 tonight and 19 and 20 tomorrow to help protect myself from getting spoiled, or if I should just sing my song in the key and tempo in which it belongs and idk, pretend the Internet and my text messages don't exist for a week.

My last day of teaching for the (calendar) year is tomorrow, so my heart is focused on that right now. But I don't really want to watch 15x20 on Saturday night, because I have to wake up on Sunday and proctor 8 straight hours of oral exams. I already don't want to do that; I certainly don't want to do that if I'd acutely prefer to be SPNning post-finale.

Right now, I guess I feel like SPN feels like so much like particulate matter in the atmosphere, with this deep sense of the eternal, today doesn't feel that important, because my relationship to this show has very rarely ever been defined by specific dates. But then part of me is like, but what if it does matter and I don't realize it until the last possible moment??? MAYBE IT DOES MATTER. But then, we're already on our second finale date, anyway, and the first one I was about to miss by full months.

Eh, I don't know. I'm planning to burn my "old book room" candle tonight. This is just a tl;dr post that boils down to "UGH I DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED" but also "I'm still hanging out with 15x17 and I don't really want to finale until I have real time for it."

I have this fantasy of spending Thanksgiving hiking while reading Stephen Graham Jones's The Only Good Indian, coming home to cook and eat and say hi to my dad and sister on Zoom, and then watching 15x20. I just don't think I'd be able to realistically stay unspoiled for that long, which sucks.
Tags: fandom: spn, we don't have time for your blah blah bl

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